If you want online dating to be successful, the first message is crucial.

Imagine being the home team at a baseball game and you are up to bat.

The majority are boring, clearly copy/pasted, and do absolutely nothing to start a conversation. It’s hard enough to date someone who lives in a different borough of NYC! Maybe if you’re hilarious, gorgeous, AND bake macarons.

In the online world “You’re so beautiful” makes me roll my eyes and assume you type the same thing into every message box. I only respond to messages that show the person read my profile. Creepily noticing what time I’m online and asking me about it… I rarely get along with people who take themselves too seriously.

It’s also great to ask a question at the end of your message- this starts a conversation and gives something to respond to. This is me doing my part to make that world a reality.

SEENITTOO Advertisement If you’re Facebook friends, why can’t you just send a FB message saying, “Hey, i got a match with you on bumble! ” They can then initiate if interested, or leave it alone. JACQUISMITH When you are using an app where you have to message first but don’t, you are sending a clear indication that you are not interested. They may have other ways to contact you but why would they in this case? JT2499 “Ideally, I would like them to reach out to me.” You’re on the wrong app.

You sign up on a site, create a profile, and now you are ready to write your first online dating message to someone who caught your eye, but you freeze when you try to type the words.

Should you start off with a simple hello and see if you get a response? You may have tons of other questions running through your mind, but don’t let those doubts and worries stop you from reaching out to someone you are initially attracted to.

Granted, for some people, a more heavy-handed approach is necessary. Polite is good, but if it doesn’t work, try sterner and firmer. If you need further coaching, go to your local electric company’s customer service department and see how it handles you when you try to dispute a bill by saying, “I never used that electricity.” Many appropriate ways are available to encourage someone to move along. This article points out the major ways to do so in specific situations.

Say that you get an e-mail from someone, and you can tell immediately that you have no interest in communicating with that person.

If they love a certain stand-up comic, use the beginning of one of their jokes (Google is your friend at times like these).